Did you recently breakup? Did people ask if it had anything to do with covid? Perhaps you shrugged with your blank face and said:” maybe! I don’t know.” People looked back at you quizingly hoping that you let out at least one juicy secret about your ex.
But we both know that you know. No breakup occurs out of thin air, even the ones that seem like they do; well lets just check under that rug shall we?
Im not going to discuss my own recent breakup over this blog post, I think it deserves a few insightful chapters in my glorious book. But no really, I just have some more realistic discernment on the matter, now, let’s get back under that dirty rug.
The Infamous Relationship Rug
As soon as we start a relationship with somebody we buy a metaphorical rug whether we know it or not. It’s a beautiful piece. Imagine a baby blue hand sewn Persian carpet lined with traces of hope and passion and high expectation. You place that rug under your clean feet and start loving and arguing on top of it. Truth is that most of us have to go through some dysfunctional relationships before we get to the gooey healthy ones. So in our dysfunctional relationships we start tucking little problems under the rug very early on.
We secretly think our partner is perfect on some level in the beginning, and my kind of perfect is definitely absolutely different from what you perceive as such. Slowly and unfortunately, as we start falling off those pedestals, we crash into arguments that seem petty. Those silly issues are the first to usually go under that fresh new carpet. What follows are the things you don’t want to deal with, and the questions you have left unanswered about yourself and them. Dysfunctional attachment gets stronger, and our own troubles and demons grow. We might deal with some, that’s granted. The problems however that we choose not to handle pile up and they begin to trip us even when we think nothing is wrong. Call it turning a blind eye.
The Trouble with Dealing with Our Issues
Let’s establish this irrevocable truth:
TO BE REMOTELY CAPABLE OF REAL LOVE FOR OTHERS WE MUST LOVE OURSELVES FIRST.
No amount of lovers in the world will convince me of my own worth if I am incapable of feeling it alone. No amount of kind words, kisses and love making will allow me to accept that I am lovable if I firmly believe that I am not worthy of love. Harsh! but real and tested and true.
So we find ourselves stumbling into the breakup of something we once really appreciated and cherished. Reasons may vary like night and day but something always remains, the fear(s).
Breakups are horrible experiences for both parties in a dying relationship, those who choose to leave and those who get left behind. It is the worst!
I will take some liberties in listing some high ranking fears you may have before, during or after the breakup, IF you are not a robot.
The fear of:
- Being alone…FOREVER
- Being wrong/ flawed/ imperfect
….and so many more
We cannot really know how good or bad something is for us. The relationship and its breakup were probably both good and bad. Brain tease, I know! But if we consider that most things in life can teach us something then we will put a lot more effort and attention into dealing with our own issues than trying to fix a dysfunctional relationship. We have fears that keep us hidden, and we choose to turn that blind eye sometimes way too often to avoid facing those fears.
So no! Covid probably was NOT the cause of your breakup or that of the neighbors. Being around each other with no distraction, with nothing between you both but that relationship rug will bring all existing issues to your attention.
Just saying, worth a thought.