Tag Archives: truth

The Life Game: Set your build to win

4 Apr

Inspiration found me this morning as I was scrolling through my Facebook homepage. A video posted compares your human life from birth to end to a video game; and goes through the entire logical process in less than four minutes. As an avid video gamer myself, it was both ironic and creative to say the least.

The oversimplification made me think about the struggles we go through in order to achieve our goals whatever they might be. I, eventually as anybody would, started thinking about myself and how I manage to balance my life, the things that helped me progress, how I owned my experiences and continue to learn every step of the way. Three major elements keep me in check: practicing mindfulness, dedication to physical fitness and consistency for professional achievement. Yet the thought of attempting to balance mindfulness, physical fitness and professional achievement might induce so much anxiety, that you dismiss the possibility before even trying it. But consider this:

Your life game begins with a standard build, note that I’m dismissing socio-economic status as a start because I am solely talking about “free skills”. Mindfulness, fitness and achievement are unaffected by your external conditions, you could be at top of the ladder or starting from scratch, this should apply to you indiscriminately.

Your standard human build can take you far enough up until the challenges are more complex, and until the challengers facing you have learned new skills and developed their build. Then you will feel stuck, possibly defeated and exhausted by life. While you are still using your basic fight or flight mechanism, others have mastered self-control and tend to stand and fight in situations you would definitely flee, as that is your original coding, undeveloped.

Master the skill of Mindfulness:

To learn this skill, you have to recognize that every human’s basic build consists of personal experience; a lived past, a happening present and a subjective perception of a future. You have to acknowledge your past, own your experience, identify the lessons you have to learn, seek help if it proves to be difficult. You have to acknowledge the blessing of being alive, of having breath run through you. Identify with that breath on a daily basis, and practice being in the present moment, thankful and adamant on self-love not selfishness. The future will be taken care of, when you master the other two skills.

Master the skill of physical fitness:

To learn this skill, you have to recognize that your average build body, if no disabilities are present, is intended for mobility and functional movement. The less you use it for that purpose, the faster you deteriorate and battle numerous glitches and viruses, and the sooner you lose the game. Start with respecting the functionality of your body, follow a fitness program, the little achievements you make whether touching your toes when you couldn’t or performing a series of back flips on command, all reflect on your overall performance in the life game. You will become stronger and empowered, your build allows you to tackle challenges differently. Little achievement matter just as much as big ones. The flip-side of a series of fails, is the consistency that leads to lessons learned and essentially achievement by virtue of trial and error.

Mastering those skills helps you recharge your spirit and your body. You will recognize your weaknesses and deal with them before it’s too late. You will be ahead in your game.

Mastering the skill of professional achievement:

To learn this skill, you must have a clear goal. You have to know why you are in the job and what you plan on achieving by remaining in it for a certain time period. There is no shortage of opportunities, even in today’s economy. Identify where you are on the resourcefulness scale and make your decisions accordingly. Don’t let fear stop you from taking a leap into the next level. But make sure that your boots will jump high enough and your build can stand the impact of a miscalculation.

The life game is different for each and every one of us. We all have the capacity to improve and to develop ourselves in continuously competitive and challenging game play. Stay curious, stay present and improve with every opportunity you get. Keep your head in the game, and believe that winning everyday is actually possible as long as you are in the game.

The Fight 

23 Apr

I stare at my palms and at my broken skin. When did this happen? I didn’t see most of it. I didn’t feel any of it. I was so desensitized; I was breathing in rust and breathing out gold. I broke myself while fixing this. The process pauses as I suddenly watch the Reds Browns and greens scale off my knees and my elbows. I find that my hair has turned to rope, my eyes are made of glass. The world is loud, it is immense and psychotic. I am still and I am loveless. My limbs have rusted and nails are black. Somehow I stopped, my soul is awake and it is thunder; it is lightning and it is fearless beyond my fragile body. Shrieks turn to screams, and screams become prayers for redemption. The psychotic world grows even more hysterical but I am awake, and I am becoming. 

I spit out words and bones, I press my palms over my face and I smash the glass. I give my soul eyes, and suddenly I recognize myself. 

One more battle done with this world at war; I am not broken, I am not heavy. I am made of gold and rust; I have a stream of rain running through me. My soul is thunder and I am not not blind. I see you. Beyond anything, and after it all ends; I still see you. 

Hero:Villain 

25 Oct

I frown upon my third attempt to write something without sounding ridiculous and completely off tune with the world. I reread my initial thoughts and think to myself:”God im full of myself.” I erase those lines in hopes of sounding more humble, a little less intense, and somehow more agreeable. 

It is unbelievably difficult to find my voice without any music playing while I write, it’s as though the silence muffles my thoughts; they cower and hide because they are not humble, they are eccentric and they are disappointing. So I push myself and I pick at my obscure attempt to reveal my true self to this page. I need to unravel somewhere, and this crest white glistening screen is enticing to say the least. 

I may be picking up the pace and finding my flow but I am letters away from shutting down completely. Too many layers keeping my fears dormant and not enough layers to keep my skin warm. This is how it goes, sometimes we gotta choose, lying to ourselves and staying comfortable in the chill, or revealing our insides to the eye and basking in the warmth of its fire.

I may be different, but I could just as well be similar. I do feel like an outlier almost every day, but maybe everybody does too. I do have explosions of emotion occurring just beneath the surface, but I just as well, may not be the only one getting burned. I may be the only me, and the rest are a bunch of you. But I could just as well be another you to somone just as odd as me. Go figure! 

I make believe and I pretend to live in a world just for me. I pick it’s heroes and I love it’s villains. Perhaps the time has come for me to realize,that I am part hero and part villain with little control over both. 

Comfort Space

22 Sep

I peer out of this room, and suddenly nobody remembers my name. Suddenly four birthdays have passed since I last had a dream. Suddenly, I did not know where I had been. 

Friends and family attempt to make life easier, and sometimes they do. But for the most part, things get tough, the world gets heavy, and reality gets messy. So you bring together forces of nature and some technology in hopes of becoming a person good at living. You look at people a little more gently, and you judge a little less too. You smile more intently, and your words become fewer too. You are summed up by the kindness you put out because not much of it is out there around you. Not much goodness, at least not as much as you hoped you’d see. 

You learn that waking up is mandatory, and going to sleep is a vacation. You listen to the world in its fullness and in its hollow spaces, and you’re silence is echoed through. Rainfall gets romantic, in the literary sense and in the realistic one. Some people are hurt by the rain when you get to fall in love. Some people are not like you, and they have different perceptions of the world. They do however get to love too. 

I step back into my room, and I realize nothing ever stops and waits for me to be ready. All that time, it has passed, and somebody may have put it to better use than I have. Nothing seizes, nobody rests. The motion is continuous and all we’ve got to do is pack up nice, put on some sturdy boots, stand up straight and simply move. 

I hug my comfort to sleep, and I push the blankets below our feet. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Welcome to the Apocalypse

3 May

I am worried that there will be few survivors after this empty information apocalypse is done. It hurts my feelings, stings my eyes and burns my mind as i read people’s statuses and opinions about what they perceive as facts in today’s world. We have no accountability, no responsibility, and no value for what we say or do. We are random, irrational and dumbfounded by a shiny screen and some keys that magically turn our thoughts into language.

We are being flooded, drowned and suffocated so eloquently and entertainingly by false information and ridiculous value systems. My head is pounded daily with how the world is so interconnected and globalized, that you are a citizen of the world and no longer of one state. We are fed such notions implying that the human race has won after all, and the world exists solely for our pleasure. This arrogant form of existence is not sustainable even if it is international.

We live in the age of small talk and big wallets. We surround ourselves with illusions of happiness and we dwell on the shiny reflections of our masked ineptitude. We crawl into our fancy lie of a lifestyle thinking that nobody is on to us. We only act on incentive, reward and punishment; we have no value for genuine or nice anymore. We trip on our egos as we speak of poorly adopted ideas and we find offense in everything that moves. No body is secure because this wonderland of information leaves us inhibited and scared like little children on their first day of school. Except, we are not being schooled, we are not being educated, we are being turned into conceding vegetation, acknowledging the truths marketed to us to keep us quiet and dumb.

Religious sectarianism, conditioning us since infancy, eats out our rationality and purity. We misuse wise words and pleasure ourselves with what suits us of it. We hear but we never listen. We preach, but we never communicate. Prejudice becomes us and we viciously attack any form of individuality or free speech. We have our minds locked in double thinking  mode; assuming that open-mindedness is the opposite of self control or religion. We are on a bandwagon, we are the ill-informed public, misled into believing that we know about everything and have access to all the information; but we are the fools, we are the silent lambs dragged into war, into apathy and oblivious existence.

Take offense in your own ignorance rather than other people’s. Educate yourself before attempting to change the world. Save yourself, for it is a zombie apocalypse of humans mutated and disfigured by the floods of filthy and poisonous information they have been consuming.

PS: If there are any survivors, please inform others, you never know whose life you’re saving 🙂

Dear Mom,

21 Mar

Dear mom,
I dreamt about you the other night, it was almost real. Then i woke up and i realized even though i felt you in my mind, we were still on opposite sides of this world, in different time zones. I then closed my eyes to see you again and i did. You always said our unconscious is incredible; you were right.
Im imagining you reading this now, and its funny because you always complimented my writing even when it was terrible. I think it was your way of encouraging me to express my timid self.
I have so much faith in you, maybe the strongest belief springing from my core is in you. Nothing bigger than you in this world and nothing simpler. You encompass what life was, is and ought to be. Its insane because how can i ever come to know myself seperated from you when you are my source; my genuine soulmate.
I just want to tell you that you trained me well. You did your best and while you juggled being my mother and my best friend you somehow created me all over again everyday.
Everytime i catch myself feeling lonesome or down i remember how you would brush your shoulders off and tell me this is what we do. Then we pick ourselves up because we are that strong.
I know you have your pains and your struggles, just like every artist out there. Except, you are more youthful than you know, more beautiful than you admit, and more brilliant than you think. Your joy is my own and your pain is mine too. I will never stop pushing you, i will never walk out on you, because this is what we are all about.
I am so proud of you, when your strong and when your weak. You are my biggest truth.
So, yes as predictable as i am, this is how i try to make up for the distance.
I love you mom, thats what i’ve been trying to say:)
Nour

SELF PORTRAIT

17 Mar

Indecisive, uncertain, insecure, doubtful, unreliable, inhibited girl. Passionate rarely, apathetic mostly, lacking always.  Empathetic, nice, numb, sad. Grateful, undisciplined quitter. Heavy, shy, thoughtful, realistic. Logical, submissive, obedient, void. Soulful, selective, salient, secretive writer. Strange, different, proud, honest. Alone in a world of surrogate fillers; illusions of completeness.

Tiptoeing  around self loathing while free-falling in love with myself everyday. A recipe for disillusionment from a world of hypocrisy and tainted truths. A child in the commoners’ eyes, and a troubled mismanaged old soul in reality. Drama queen at best, possible proof that i am mislead by my youth after all. I dream of becoming a dreamer, but dreaming is escaping reality. So i dwell in the mess of that truth, a form of wreckage that people run away from by chasing their dreams. Happiness is not in those dreams but in making peace with what reality offers.

Pursuing a purpose, a meaning and a reason, but i have no clue still. Contrary to usual tendencies, the last thing i want is to live forever; the idea is as troubling as it is infinite and whole. I want to know every step of the way that i am getting closer to an end that should answer all my questions.

An over analyzing hopeless romantic. An endless dreamer and a simple – minded wide hearted being. The only way i understand reality is through the magic of my soul. The only reason i identify sadness is because natural joy floods me. The print of every word i write is a breath so involuntary that it surprises me every time. This cruelty of a mind molded both by experience and the lack of it is always heavy; except redeeming truth flowing out of my fingertips lifts me up every time.

My words are salty and moist, they sting when the wound is open; yet they heal when my world runs dry. My words stray but they always come back to comfort me. They prove to me that a voice is only beautiful when it is soulful and true. I sail and i listen to people’s stories knowing that mine belongs to these words. The day i ran to my notebook instead of a person, i gave those words absolute power and i rendered myself a mere messenger.

Simplicity finds me as i end this text; i believe its time i let go and surface.

Existence: An Imagined Sunset on an Imaginary Shore

1 Mar

Warmth makes its way down my toes as i squish them further into the sand. It then flashes up my body and decides to dance its way out of my skin. I put my thoughts beside me as i stand tall on a shore i have known in different weathers. I look at the playful ocean as it teases my senses and runs away so systemically that the game is never-ending. I glance at my thoughts and nudge them to wander off; the beach is vast enough for all of us. As i watch them going away i grab my little emotions by the hand and I take them for a walk.

I catch them smiling as they cling to my hands harder; i can tell they are loving this journey. I feel at peace with the light engulfing all of us. The warmth is unstoppable and sheer. It gets our hearts beating and our skin glowing; it tickles my emotions as they play along like the infants they truly are. I am overjoyed because i miss their sounds and their songs.

The water slowly finds its way up to my feet and it retreats shyly, its softness has my emotions building sand castles by its side. I willingly leave them to soak up that softness and i continue walking. Heat hugs my body and it allows itself to moisten my skin into a beautiful reflection of light. Without thoughts and without emotions, i suddenly come to know a soul that exists unconditionally and eternally within me.

Home unravels inside me and it is calm and quiet. It tastes of nature and smells like forever. I reach inside and i lay my head in its lap as it pets my sun-kissed hair. I close my eyes and unwind into depth and serenity. A kindness wakes me up and i find a sunset taking its final bow for the day. Everything on that shore was waving and shimmering as though applauding a genius performance. I froze as i was a mere soul in audience of nature existing. I forgot myself at that moment, I neither had my thoughts nor my emotions; we all stood there separately. Inside the ocean hid the sun as it showered itself with myth and magic.

Warmth gave way to chill as my body welcomed my senses back, and called for my thoughts to lean closer. The shore, myself, and the world took solace in the night and curled beside each other witnessing a truth only found in this darkness. Existence.

Love Story for me

3 Feb

Every person deserves a love story. And i do not want to speak about love, i do not want to sing about love, i dont even want to read about love. Tonight i decide to invite love whichever way it shows itself into my life.
Love could be the very thought of my cat, and it could be the innocent laugh of my baby cousin. Love could be every stranger i shared a moment with, and love could be the beautiful memories i have unchained and unsensored.
This waltz im listening to has infected my mind with images of big dresses and men in uniform, it has intoxicated my imagination with thoughts of undying adoration and immortal love struck characters. I believe romance has found its way into my senses after all.
The question remains, who should i share or express this love to. Well, its about time that i give myself the unyeilding power of faith and genuine love. I will feed my soul the climax of passion and the tenderness of gratitude. I believe the time has come for me to acknowledge my own humanity, my own softness and my own edge. I believe forgiving myself is the only way in and out of every reckage i have suffered. No truth is more credible than my own proclaimed surrender.
I write to remember, and hopefully find redemption in my own solitude. I will let go and i will release the weight of a very heavy world; for it is not mine to keep. As i take this path of mortality, i accept every human emotion and mental imbalance. I understand the permeability of my uncertainty and the crude substance of my own life. My world is what i introduce to it, and in this snow capped night i open every door, portal and outlet to love. For that is the foundation of my spirit and the secret to my joy.
No success is tangible unless it has mind, heart and soul all at peace and harmony with each other.
This is my own love story.

No truth tonight

24 Jan

This place seems to be the only comfort zone i have left. Everything else is uprooted, destroyed, faded or broken. Nothing remains in the end of a really bad day but my words and my mediocre self expression skills. Nothing remains but a late night battle with well earned self loathing and canned aggression towards everything i stand for. Everything i preach in words and silver lined rythms is a product of my destroyed and mythical imagination.
I write and i put words together in attempts of comforting my long lost mind, in hope of regaining faith in the beauty i see every once in a while, In aims of distracting my damaged excuse of a dream. I dont know, i really never knew as much as i don’t know now. I almost lose touch with my senses, my cravings and my motives.
When my escape is my home, and my home has generated into the escape, my entire world is shifted, twisted and upside down; and no one complicates things as professionally as me. I am the master of labels and definitions, but when it comes to sorting out my own mess, i simply drive myself mad enough to an extent where i give myself material to write about. Instead of actually fixing what needs to be dealt with i submerge my coward self into a pit of mind draining logic, and heart wrenching drama. I end up with a pathetic justification of words and excuses, of emotions and thoughts that really do not make sense.
And so just because human ears and human compassion can only go so far, i decide to practice my linguistic, lyrical and passive sport of one ended conversations with this blank, dull page here.
No where, no one and nothing will ever comfort you when you are in need, at least not fully. When we break, no matter how eloquently we express it, we are broken. And nothing broken is as good as new, not in this world we live in. So whatever soothing and calming words you can offer yourself, do that, tell yourself that you are ok. Tell yourself that you are strong. Tell yourself that beauty is still waiting outside your window, except right now your vision is blurry and your mind is uncertain. Tell your self that the lack of comfort is the reason you are blind to any form of beauty tonight. Tell yourself that tomorrow is a new day, and the sun always shines, every day. Find comfort in the eternity of that process and draw the peace you need for sleep from the longing you feel for such certainty.
The sun will rise tomorrow, and so will you. All will heal when you allow yourself to say the few words you avoided by writing all that.
Not tonight.