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بالعربي خلص

21 Oct

قررت انو اكتب بالعربي لانو شكلك ما كنت عم تفهم بالاجنبي. اذا انتا شيعي لِاجري، سني لاِجري و حتا مسيحي لاِجري؛ و كل شي بالنص لاِجري. عم جرّب خليك تعصب بما انو انتا انسان متعصب. و يمكن تكرهني كتير بس شو فرقت معي؟ هيك هيك منّك طايقني و لا طايق طايفتي ولا ديني ولا وطني ولا عقلي. هيك هيك عم تزعجني.
انتا مفكّر الدّنيا خلقت من تفكير لبناني متلك؟ يا حبيبي الدنيا اكبر منك و مني بكتير. كرامتك مشكلتك بس و مش مشكلتي، صدقني ما حدا فارقة معو انت شو حاسس او شو رايك. صوتك الك و حقك معك، ما عندك شي تثبتو لحدا. كرمال هيك ما تصرّخ بغبا و تزعجني.
لبنان ما بحياتو حدا بيحكي في، مين مكذّب عليك و مخبرك انو الشمس بططلع من قفا لبناني. بعرف صعبي تحس انك ولا شي بس هاي هِيي الفكرة. فيك ترفع راسك بس كرمال هيك ما بتلحِّق ترفعو الّا و بيجي زعيم بيِدعَسَك.
مين موكلك تحكي نيابةً عن الاموات؟ اِنّو كلبناني عندك وساءل اتصال غير شكل؟ ما انتا وقت شي و شي بتحكي. كل العالم خوَنة هون مني عم بفهم عشو المشكل؟ ناس مع اميركا و ناس مع ايران، انو عادي. لشو كلو حامل السلم بالعرض ما هيي وساخة لبنانية اصلية كيف ما برمتا.
مفكر الدنيا بتدور حوله، كرمال هيك عقلو ناقص. بيتضحك بس حدا يهينو متل الاهبل، و بعدين بيسمع الكلمة متل الشاطر.
كل واحد ناطر التاني يروح على جهنم و مفكر حالو بس هُوًّي رايح على الجنة. بس اذا الشيعي رايح عالجنة و السني طالع عالجني والمسيحي واصل عالجنة؛ كيف رح يتفقو فوق، شو انو هِيي لعبة منذكر بعض؟ انو رح تتصالحو فوق؟ والله كيف؟
كل واحد مات، مات. ما بدا ذكاء الا اذا الله موكلكن انبياء.

This is not what politics or religion is about. This disgusting and trashy arrogance that everyone deals with needs defusion and fixing. This sexual and mental frustration is being imploded with absurd comments and speeches from socially handicapped individuals. In the times of hardship the people stand against political corruption you morons, and not try and burn all bridges down. You have a responsibility towards every breath you take to be thankful for peace and not instill violence and war you idiots.
When your mothers die or fathers or anyone you love, it would be your fault because you injected hate into the faint hearts of poor people with distorted judgements. If you work harder and give back to society, this disintegration in the flawed logic of people will be slowly fixed.
Except i do not think anyone will rise above this, because you all have so many internal conflicts with identity and nationality, that none of you feels they belong anywhere. Nothing will ever wake you up, until you bury your children one day in this shit hole, god forsaken country.

When they never learn.

19 Oct

When those who must do the fighting have the right to decide between war and peace, history will no longer be written in blood- Kant

Lebanon takes this quote and shoves it up kant’s ***.

Dear patriots, i hope the people who died today in that terrible explosion rest in peace; peace they have never known around you in this god forsaken country.

Enough said.

Where my world ends.

16 Aug

Under so many skies and genuine timelessness, existed a place on this earth. Fairytales and unicorns had never been there, neither had good music or pretty faces. It was burnt to the ground and nothing lived there. It dressed its death with white and colored its ugliness pink. The oil amongst that land was named water and the idiots who had given up their minds to that nothingness were called people.
That tiny spot painted its lands green when ash was the center of it all. Against that green, other colors looked better and so that place gained beauty and fame. That place choked on the inside but pretended that skies were naturally blue. That place got thicker and denser, yet the filth always seemed to seep through the fake moulds created.
The pretty faces were not real, the men were void of the truth and of honor, and the minds of both genders melted into extremes of dullness or pride. All the real information was drowned and out came the stupid quotes and the tarnished banners of love and respect for that place.
Then came the people who served a great power named God and they told the dim minded what to think about everything. They said different things to different people, when the main message was all the same. They promised those boys and girls the greatest worldly pleasures and they swore on their lives. Somehow it all made sense, only because they never really understood and they presumed that the others did.
Their pride then played itself out when they went on fighting who understood best. Many believed in what they fought for, they hoped that God knows their intentions and they died for him, leaving behind the greatest stories ever told. Except, God was claimed to have been in every story, and he supported each group for their worldly gains. Each group said that God was theirs’ and on their side.
There, came a voice asking. Simply and not rhetorically. Is God on everyone’s side? How is that possible? Then who are the enemies? Does God enjoy experiments ? Does God laugh at one group and with another? Wait, wait..WAIT. Who is lying here?
Everyone suddenly broke into silence, and instead of finding answers to all those questions, they laughed and stabbed the voice quiet. And then said, God is with us.
After fighting for a very long time, those dim minded people decided that they needed to talk and work things out. The biggest and strongest, the richest and most victorious discussed and cut up the lands on earth. They decided who takes what, but did not give their word, they kept all options open and invented a game called diplomacy.
And time passed then ended and passed again then ended, consistently time lapsed. The idiots who had become people, dressed better and talked better, they learned in schools and expensive universities. Others had poor lives and barely lived to be middle aged people. Yet they all believed in God, each in their own way. And until today, The truth rarely gets mentioned and that old voice barely gets heard.
None of those people considered that that voice, was God himself. He had rested his silence but they refused to listen, they killed that voice and played on their own. They spoke on behalf of God and it was never going to end. Not now not ever, because eventually and essentially, that land had always been empty and shredded apart. The skies were only bright when creatures were true to their existence and mortality. Pride ate the heads of the idiots and they really thought they controlled everything. They thought they knew.

Existential pointlessness.

5 May

I don’t know why i run here every time; every single time i find myself writing as though my mind cries here and lays all its worries and the weight of the world; right here. I find myself creating and expressing what i cannot spell out as eloquently to anyone, at least not without breaking apart.

So i need and long and want so much, just as so many others do. But it is rare that i admit such weaknesses. It is rare that i stand and give myself out so bare and undisguised. It takes faith, it takes belief and belonging to give yourself out in such manner to anyone. how do you trust? how do you know? how do you believe what anyone says to you? for what is deceit in the end of the day but a let down from someone you trusted. So simple yet so damaging.

Then come love, the greatest confusion of all. the strongest and most liberating yet suffocating situation one can ever fall into. The impossible becomes a plan, and a very plausible one which will get you even more tangled in the thoughts, limitations and benefits of such commitment. It builds you bigger and stronger. But it keeps grabbing you by the neck, any wrong move you make or even more simply the moment it decides to leave, it breaks your neck, along with everything else that was. You then are left. Simple.

What is it? what is it that drives us to such destructive situations? We dive so willfully and joyfully as though experience has not slapped us right in the face over and over. Is it that pathetic need for belonging that makes us so weak as to want to relate to anything and everything. A believer relates to God, for he has found the most glorious bond. But isn’t that nothing but a psychological man-made relationship? A lover relates to his beloved, for he has figured out eternal passion; at least until one of them decides to leave. So what is divine in such finished a world? What is pure and true? What is genuine but a sad truth? What truth is there when we are children of conflict and death? Who is right and who is wrong?

What is forever, but a longing for the impossible? When do we give up and realize the joke of it all? When do we own up to our fear of never knowing and admit that there is no point but what we decide to make of it.

So we go to the secret places inside our minds and souls, we hide all our doubts and pains inside, lock up and get out to the world. Nothing but because people do not like misery, they love happiness and simplicity, they love aloofness and everything physical. They run away from the real abstract and end up living in one they have made up and imagined all alone. They close the doors behind them and forget where they hid their secret place. They shy away from hard truths and embrace simple instinctual habits. They have no need for existential bullshit. For life is no more but being born suddenly opening your eyes to a world you have not chosen to enter, you then are blessed with a brain that gets developed and screwed with by people and emotions. You then exit the way you entered unasked and unwelcome.

Life is a liability, death is not a choice either. So exit as you came in, bare and frail. Fragile to the core but with a brain made just to piss you off, some sort of teaser. It gets you places but then there is no way back , you can never not know something you know. It is there forever more.

So at the end of the day you end up writing about some existential pointlessness on a very commercial blog, which will probably never get you anywhere in life.

I end this with saying, the greatest joys come from simple minds and imagination.

All we need is the space.

9 Mar

Its an idea, it develops, it grows, sometimes it takes seconds, sometimes it takes a life time. An idea is all we need it is our reason and our goal. It drives us and throws us off course. This idea is a madness in the beginning its defiance but a means to an end. A salvation in the midst of intellectual, social and religious wreckage.
In our arab world we have a lack of ideas. We have a surplus of shallowness. We refuse to learn, to think and question our situations; nevertheless we are the masters of victimization, nagging and criticisim. We assume that doing so qualifies us as free thinkers, when that is the absolute opposite; a tool for a socially and politically handicapped nation to express its frustration.
We mistake differences for deficiencies. We confuse conservatism with morality, and we credit those who rob us of our potential for becoming decent citizens.
This idea, it requires searches, rampages, desperation and courage. To be a thinker is tougher than it seems. To acquire an opinion is more than repeating and plagiarizing “smarter” people.
We are being monopolized by corporations, politicians, celebrities and public opinion rallies. We are so awe struck by collectivity that we forget what it means to think for ones self alone. We dismiss the preciousness of solitude and soul searching. We allow ourselves to be molded and remolded with every new fashion statement, and every new trend of thought. We absolutely despise and abhore the notion of real personal freedom.
The whole suffocates us to an extent where we get used to the suffocation so desperately that we develop a fear of breathing again because of all the effort it will require.
In economics, there always is nominal price and the real price. Well, we have nominal freedom, where our real one is masked by the inflation of prejudice, narrow mindedness and intolerance.
All we need is the space.

Contradiction

22 Feb

Who reassures me in the middle of the night when all my demons wake up? Who will take me in when i feel absolutely out of place?
Where are you? They say you save people, they say you are good! They say you were,are and always will be looking out for lost souls.
They say many things, they even lie. Do you know that? Do you know they speak of goodness and truth when they are the filth of humanity?
See, i love you, i was raised to do so, and i thank you whenever i get the chance, i even talk to you and wonder;if at the end of the day you are me and you want me to find you.
I think i know where you are, i just am afraid of you, for if you are me then i am powerful, and that is foreign to me.
See, i love you, i look for you in everything and everywhere. Sometimes i find you in beautiful words, and ideas. Other times i find you but look away, because you disappointed me.
I think of you and i write, for that is the closest to self purification i can get. And you are pure so maybe you find me at times like this.
I think i am going mad, well insane. I think i do this to myself and my thoughts just observe. I feed them and feed them until they weigh me down, and i go on a rampage looking for you!
Then again, i might be one of the few sane ones because i realize the grandness of having such a mind, such a load. I drown so deep that the only way out is reading my words to myself.
I do not think that i am any more significant than any creature in the world. I existed and i had no choice in that matter, my job is to exist the best way i could.
My music sets me alive, so do my books. My love is destructive yet healing. Simplicity keeps me afloat yet depth calls for me, it misses me and willingly i jump back in. Until i surface after writing such a mess. And realize contradiction.

Humanity disappointed me

9 Feb

I am growing up. Not the pretty way, the real way. Im a very positive and hopeful person yet experience puts that to shame and wins everytime. Im disappointed. The world, humanity, people and chances are all disappointing.
People talk about social networking; i cannot open my homepage without seeing not one but several pictures of dead or brutaly killed people. Is that okay now? Have we lost all sorts of respect for the human body or the soul that lived there? Is violence so normal and natural as to spread pictures of it and say oh thats bad, lets all feel bad about this picture, maybe cry too.
If we use the right titles i might agree more though since im a logical person. For example dont show me pictures of bombing and murder squads and call them democratic forces, be kind enough to realize that democracy hides behind the last carrot thrown and call it violence for that is what it is.
Do not show me double standards, false news, media blackouts, and call it revolutions, be kind enough to call it anarchy and chaos.
Lets just set the bar lower for our expectations and start dealing with the world as it really is. We are beasts well trained to believe that society and culture mold us into civilized people of nation states. Might as well drop the cover and state our claims for us humans stop at nothing.
Social-religious issues are breaking apart, loyalty is laughed upon, order is mocked, freedom is relative and honesty is blasphamy. It is time to reevaluate our principles and our standards, our beliefs need to be refurbished and divinity questioned.
It is the time to question, doubt and think about Where we are heading. And whichever way that is, we are a race well deserving of our end.

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