I love writing about love. Do I know how to love? Well, the honest response to that is that I am learning how to love better everyday.
Love is a tricky topic, just say the word and most people will either get exhilarated or cringe about it. The problem with those reactions to the word “Love” is that those are not reactions to the pure feeling. Those are reactions to the experience we have had with loving.
Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we?
When I say “Love”, what do you automatically think about or visualize, or even feel?
Does the face of somebody directly come up? Maybe even 10 people. Do you think about your children and/or your pets? Is it food that comes up for you, maybe sex? Perhaps you cringe and gag because you remember heartbreak or betrayal? The word triggers a wounded part of you because you remember someone you lost or missed?
So, those are just a few things that come up simply by uttering the L word. A lot more exists in there too, that I can’t even begin to cover.
The Love Package
Love is a packed feeling, a state of being and a verb. However, we all define love differently according to the experiences we have had with it.
The way you were loved by your parents is very different from the way I was loved. We all interacted differently with people we loved, and hence our approach at meeting others with love is also different.
So knowing that each one of us has a uniquely shaped and colored package with love inside it, how do we actually know if we are loving one another well? Here, I shed light on the QUALITY of love you are giving, regardless what you are receiving.
So, the dilemma in many cases is that people perceive themselves to be “Loving”, but in actuality, those on the receiving end don’t quite agree. Why?
The Solution to the Dilemma of Loving
Would you imagine yourself walking up to a parent, a lover or a friend and telling them, “I don’t feel loved by you”?
Now, how would you respond if your lover, friend or parent, comes up to you and tells you the same thing?
Openness in Love
The first solution to the dilemma is OPENNESS to the possibility that you could LOVE somebody better. It is not an attack to your character or mine if we learn that we are not giving love in a clear way. Because what is the purpose of loving somebody?
FOR THEM TO FEEL LOVED and LIFTED, and CARED FOR, and SUPPORTED.
And if you are “loving” somebody for different reasons, like simply to not be alone, or just to reciprocate, or not hurt; then you are NOT LOVING them. Use a different word.
If the way that you are loving is not achieving those things, then you are not expressing your feeling in a way that your loved one can receive it.
When we love, as an action, we are giving others access to our abundance. We are offering ourselves whether in time, touch, energy, or presence all for the other person to genuinely feel loved, cared for, supported and lifted. We offer love because we have it, not because we need it back.
LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING BORROWED!
I speak from my own experiences with love, and loving. I continue to learn and have the vulnerability to put my ego aside. Love tests me especially at the times where my ego is so flared up for a fight to prove my partner or other person wrong. So, it’s not that easy.
Communication for Love
The second solution is communicating to genuinely understand the other person. We don’t talk to respond to those we love, we talk to listen to them. This makes a huge difference, and it is a learned skill for any person to work on. Personally, I have been slowly practicing that skill, and it makes an immense difference in how sensitive conversations go.
We are all capable of love, we just have different ways of approaching it. You may want to also check the 5 Love Languages for an extra practical reference on what I’m writing about here.
Fear of Loving, Being Unloved or being Unlovable
What usually stops us in our tracks is fear. We are wired to have fears that keep us safe and alive; but let’s not be scared of Love. Let’s not be afraid of showing others our heart space. Life can be beautiful in the depths of loving and exploring fears in relation to that.
It is intimidating perhaps for many of us to dive into our capacities in loving. What we can find there is even more fear and trauma related to love. But, wouldn’t you want to love better? to be loved better? wouldn’t you want to make somebody you care about feel loved, cared for, lifted and supported? How would you feel if somebody loved you like that too?
The truth is that we can dwell on fear and pain all our days; but we will not be fair to ourselves. You deserve a life filled with the kind of love you want. Your partner/friend/ family member or future lover deserves the same. When we start from that platform of abundance, we cannot and will not meet each other at a lower platform; and when we do, well we practice loving better.