Growth Theory: The One Type of Advice We All Need.

How do you look at your life? Do you perceive it from a day to day lens? Is it a bunch of finite experiences that you believe must be done before you kick the bucket? Is it a set of roles and responsibilities that you must undertake in order to be accepted into your community of friends and family? Or do you perceive life as disconnected groups of reference points that you may or may not get to? It might be a mixture of all of those, and others that this page cannot fit.

I write to tell you something that I wish I could if we were together stuck in a major life moment; one where what you decide might not really change your entire life as per what is popularly believed about major decisions, but will tell you A LOT about who you are. Major life moments uncover a facade we live under. Most of us are not prepared before such events, we do not know when or how they are coming but they do. Believe me.

Back to the scene where what i tell you will immensely influence how you feel about the choice ahead; I look at you with excited eyes and you nod eagerly. I have this wise aura surrounding me and as my lips begin to move; you suddenly find yourself slapped in the face -lovingly- as I simply say ” I have zero advice for you. Figure your crap out I cannot be responsible for decisions you make that are of such high impact. I can tell you though that even if you make a truly bad decision ( a pure judgement) I will support you. So knock yourself out, live the life you have. “

This my friend is the adult advice we all need. We need this advice from family and friends, we need it from significant others and from our neighbors. See our human experiences do indeed teach us a lot, but they do not teach us one major thing- a way to live everyone else’s lives including ours. It is the easiest thing to give our opinions about how someone chooses to live; but to influence someone’s life so deeply as to steer an invisible wheel into their future is unfair and egoistic.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to learn about how we wish to live our own lives. So judging others really goes nowhere, feeling like kings on sinking rafts spewing out judgement about the stars and what must be done by everyone is quite remarkable and funny. Freedom is a skill we cannot learn with everyone hovering over us secretly training us by rewarding behaviors they agree with, and punishing unpopular thoughts.

The most beautiful humans are those who are genuinely happy and accountable for the decisions they make. Even if they have unpopular ideas, or quirky ways of thinking what matters is that they spread their wings as wide as they can and with no shame. So don’t let society pluck out your baby feathers, don’t let people convince you that there is only one way. Listen to everyone and truly internalize the words you hear from people who love you; learn from experiences and educate yourself. Know that there are some universal truths, some general laws of physics and morality that you are better off not messing with, but find a light and grab all the support you can get and just grow out your damn wings.