14 Jun

The moon looks different tonight, closer. I feel different tonight, weaker. I look into the night sky and I am a night sky. I look into tomorrow and I am nowhere. I belong in there, as though I was molded for it and by it. My slow mind attacks itself, my soul is at war and here I am in the middle of nowhere. 

I decide that I am tired, I lay down beneath my hopes and above all my fears. The terror of leading a mediocre life pinches the skin on my feet, urging me to move to rebel. The fear of missing out grabs my arms, and the thoughts of permanent torture choke my throat. How do I get out of nowhere? What now? 

I close my eyes, and I decide to let go. I decide that I am tired and I have no use running away, because I only risk being torn apart in the process. So what happens if I stop struggling? What happens if I stop pulling away? The pain stops, I can breathe again. The choking dissipates, the fear remains but it becomes softer. I become lighter. 

I look into my soul and the war is ending, I must now rebuild a world surrounded by hope and fear. I must softly exist in between. Softly and slowly destruction subsides, all that is left is my will. It remains and I remain surrounded by nothingness and the night sky. 


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