Subway ride magic

New steps everyday, nightmares every other night; it gets better though and that is the point. It never ends, that familiar wandering yet the inescapable reality of being lost. Everything around is in motion and you will not allow yourself to be the only flaw in the system so you dive in neck deep and try to let yourself go.
Maybe all this wandering is bound to lead somewhere magnificent at least I really hope so. Secretly  everything I want is placed in that magnificent prospect. Secretly I want to sell all reality and risk every emotion for magic and make believe. Secretly I believe in it all.
Well there go my secrets but that is not a problem, why submerge my self in fantasy alone? People around me just look ahead as though they are not pleading for attention or kindness or help. It’s just sad that the first reaction to any symptom of niceness is real shock. Maybe being invisible is everyone’s problem and when they are seen it draws fear and confusion within them. Maybe we are so alike that it terrifies us.
I try to walk fast and maintain everyone else’s pace so I don’t get run over, but what I discovered is that when I decide to slow down someone around me has to as well, and it’s not a bad thing. One gesture, one step, one initiation can be all it takes for one person among the masses to be found and seen. That is never a bad thing.
Everything in my head always sounds better than it might in reality and I don’t mind that because it’s what I need. It’s what I want. Whether the world listens or not is not my problem. Whether it gives me what I want is also no longer my problem. I have my world I have my rules I have my truth and also my lies. Whatever I can make or create with those is what matters because it all starts with your own mind.
So there is always the surface and depth. The world is the surface and your mind is depth. Whatever you construct on the inside is bound to pop up somewhere in your life. It’s up to us what we believe, regardless if I came up with this on a subway ride or not.

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