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On the shore of sanity

18 Apr

Maybe I should run away and never be found. Maybe I should leave everything I know right here and now. Liberate my thoughts and desires; unleash my insecurities and my perfections. I’m looking at my world differently and what made sense before is gibberish today. I can go the distances of possibilities; I can stretch my mind to the farthest horizons. Of course I can, here on this paper I can.

I am on a quest, I have not figured out my purpose yet but I know I’m on the right track. This paper here keeps me real, grounded and sane. It receives my thoughts and aspirations with no judgment.

Unlike people this paper is my haven, my shore; it absorbs my speed and intensity. So this is where I begin running. I start shedding my masks; one by one I hear them crash behind me. I feel my feet’s friction with the sand, and I can almost taste the salty moisture of the sea ahead. On this shore of my sanity I release my inhibitions. I look up to my cloudy sky and find long lost memories dripping on my skin. The speed is exhilarating and the memories are countless so I find myself indulging in that storm. Nevertheless, the farther I stretch my mind and the larger that shore extends the heavier my memories get. My heart suddenly feels weighed down, so I stop and I stand still to take my breath. A rush of wind infiltrates my senses and I am revived. I look back at my path and it’s a beautiful wreck. The sand I stepped on is displaced; it has taken the form of my movement. The air I breathed is scented, and the memories that had dripped on my skin have touched me and are evaporating back into my sky. I know they will visit again. 

I smile and with that one swift motion I am no longer on my shore. I am in a dark room with one lit lamp and the smell of forgotten cold coffee strikes me. I pick my emotions up dust off my pen and begin writing myself down. I’m an entity of helpless and sheer humanity. I am seeking peace with faith and genuine selflessness. I am young but my mind is ancient with all the philosophy it tackles and yearns for. My mind is insanity and life, with sprinkles of humor; while thoughts of self loathing and deep self adoration are in constant conflict. I am enthralled by the experiences of those around me and I am like a living sensor for life’s changes. I’m a realist with hopefulness. I am extremes and contradiction at best, but I never forget shades and degrees. I am in a state of constant observation and self-definition.

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