Contradiction

Who reassures me in the middle of the night when all my demons wake up? Who will take me in when i feel absolutely out of place?
Where are you? They say you save people, they say you are good! They say you were,are and always will be looking out for lost souls.
They say many things, they even lie. Do you know that? Do you know they speak of goodness and truth when they are the filth of humanity?
See, i love you, i was raised to do so, and i thank you whenever i get the chance, i even talk to you and wonder;if at the end of the day you are me and you want me to find you.
I think i know where you are, i just am afraid of you, for if you are me then i am powerful, and that is foreign to me.
See, i love you, i look for you in everything and everywhere. Sometimes i find you in beautiful words, and ideas. Other times i find you but look away, because you disappointed me.
I think of you and i write, for that is the closest to self purification i can get. And you are pure so maybe you find me at times like this.
I think i am going mad, well insane. I think i do this to myself and my thoughts just observe. I feed them and feed them until they weigh me down, and i go on a rampage looking for you!
Then again, i might be one of the few sane ones because i realize the grandness of having such a mind, such a load. I drown so deep that the only way out is reading my words to myself.
I do not think that i am any more significant than any creature in the world. I existed and i had no choice in that matter, my job is to exist the best way i could.
My music sets me alive, so do my books. My love is destructive yet healing. Simplicity keeps me afloat yet depth calls for me, it misses me and willingly i jump back in. Until i surface after writing such a mess. And realize contradiction.