Saving Myself

i dont love i adore, i dont feel bad i get crushed, i dont help i save. This is me saving myself.

The world is still and the quiet scares you. You begin running and your fear growls at your sanity. The world should not be this good. or should it?..does this mean that you have yet to wait for it to fall apart? is this a form of constructed chaos? You stand in disbelief of your fortune, to some extent you start feeling apologetic for it. You do not understand it in comparison to those who suffer. Confusion looks at you and it tells you that your suffering will come. But then hope slides in and says it has seen many like you and you just might be one of the lucky ones. You want it all to end the guilt, the pain, the anticipation, the fear of the unknown, the cruelty of experience, the denial and the horror of being truly happy and not believing it.

But just when the fear attempts to get under my skin, i take a step back and read myself again. It okay to be happy, and okay to be afraid of losing whats precious to you. It is okay to love and be loved, it is okay to feel your utter humanity and vulnrability at times. You should never apologize for your fortune because you never know how lucky you might be. it is important to realize your solitude even in the midst of company. There is power in that solitude and the fear of it should transform into a pleasure and an acceptance. Reality is that solitude makes us the people we truly are and not our societies or our company. knowing ourselves in solitude means knowing ourselves forever. It means the day your soul leaves your body you will be in complete peace with your mistakes and your achievements. You will know just how deep you let yourself live and how true you where to the people on the receiving end. Not waiting for them to be good to you but learning to be good to yourself. The fear shall blossom into awe, tragedy into experience and solitude into perfect human nature. With that, you can face the world!

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